


Loser 2 || BIGBANG short story

by MoMyMiddleName



Series: Loser || BIGBANG [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop
Genre: Childhood Memories, Christmas, F/M, Family, Fluff, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Scotland, Youth, loser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:32:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoMyMiddleName/pseuds/MoMyMiddleName
Summary: Half a year has passed and Christmas has come around to cold and snowy Scotland.Sequel/epilogue to Loser.





	1. Happy That You're Here

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with more of this yooooo!

“During rehearsals, he fell right off the stage. Luckily for him I was standing right there and caught him. He just sent me another one of his stupid grins.” I can feel Seunghyun roll his eyes through the phone. “I don’t know why I agreed to go with him on tour.”

“Because you’re in love but you’re too embarrassed to admit it,” I laugh and Seunghyun huffs out air.

“So, have you spoken to the husband and two children back in Korea?” He teases me back, avoiding my joke.

“I have. They whine so much it’s unreal,” I sigh and Seunghyun hums

“That’s the family life for you… It is hard without you but we manage.”

“It seems like it. It’s good to see that you’re all getting busy with everyday stuff and I’m glad Seungri’s taking some classes. It’s good for him to realise that he can’t just live off his parents forever.”

“Yeah, he seems to be enjoying it so far… He told his parents the truth by the way, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did. His dad found it hilarious, of course. His mum not so much but Seungri said that she found the humour in it soon enough,” I chuckle. “His dad supposedly misses me more than Seungri does. He told me after snatching Seungri’s phone while he was talking to me.” My chuckle turns into a laugh.

“That’s what Faella does to people, huh?” I smile at Seunghyun’s comment. “I’ll get going. Jiyong is doing something stupid again. See you soon Faella.”

“See you soon.” I hang up with a smile. Seunghyun seems more grown up by the day. Having Jiyong living with him and now being on tour with him has really matured him. He has always been the most mature of the five but this has really given it an extra push. He even calls me Faella unironically now. It’s nice to see them grow up in their own crazy ways. Seungri’s doing the same thing. Now that he’s taking classes he seems to be taking life more seriously. Even Daesung and Youngbae are starting to mature, without losing their child like love for the idea of life, of course! Daesung got himself a job at a bakery. He contacted his mother and told her everything. They see each other often, which makes me so endlessly happy. I facetimed them once and she started crying, thanking me for what I had done. It was quite overwhelming. He takes it slow with Sunhee but I swear something happens in between those philosophical discussions. Youngbae has taken up dog walking and earns some pocket money from that. He loves dogs and now Light has friends to walk with. Life is just starting for the five of them.

It has almost been 200 days since I left Korea. I down the rest of my tea and put my plate in the dishwasher. A thing I deeply missed while in Korea was the British breakfast. I live for sausages and beans. I go upstairs to brush my teeth, walking past my sister who gives me a strange look of excitement.

“What?”

“I’m just so happy today. Maybe it’s the Christmas spirit taking over me,” she sings, skipping down the stairs. I brush my teeth and wash my mouth when the doorbell rings. I’m on my way down in my fluffy pyjamas as my sister opens the door. From where I stand on the staircase I see nothing but five sets of feet. I stop dead in my tracks as I hear a familiar voice speak.

“Is Fae bae home?” I gulp and watch as my sister tell the five men that indeed I am home. She looks up at me then over to my parents, who come into the room looking like they know what is going on. My brother comes rushing down the stairs. He stops as I block the path for him in my frozen state.

“Well, go down and say hi. Ya turned to stone?” My brother asks me. He hooks his arm in mine and pulls me down the stairs with him. I feel my mouth grow into a huge smile as my eyes meet Seungri’s. My heart beats faster than ever as run past my sister and into his arms.

“You took so long to come and we got impatient,” he speaks into my hair. I look over his shoulder at the four remaining boys, all looking at me with bright smiles on their faces.

“Well go on, group hug.” They don’t waste any time joining the hug.

“WE MISSED YOU FAE BAE!” Youngbae and Daesung yell out.

“I missed all of you too. You’ve all grown so well I see. It’s like I left five boys and now I’m met with five men. I’m so proud of all of you.” As I stand in the centre of the group hug I realise what’s happening and a happy tear slips out of my eye and gets absorbed into the fabric of Seungri’s shirt. We slowly let the hug dissolve and I suddenly become very conscious about the pyjamas I am wearing. I grow red in the face and I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. They all smile at me.

“It’s freezing Faella. Invite them inside and show them around idiot,” Emily kicks me softly in the butt and I nod dumbfoundedly. I am starting to freeze too, standing outside in only a pyjamas.

“Yes. Okay. Come inside.” I lead them inside where they take off their shoes and jackets. I show them around our house and we end up in my room, where they snoop around just like they have done before in my bedroom in Korea.

“The drawing looks nice above the bed,” Seunghyun comments as he finds it where he knows from Skyping that I placed there. I nod, hugging him because I can’t really fathom that they’re all here and I need to make sure from time to time.

“Oh my god.” I look over at the other four who seem to have logged onto my computer without as much trouble as last time. “Your password is actually ILoveSeungri123. I’m shook,” Jiyong laughs at me.

“I thought it would be funny...” I crack up, making everyone else do the same. We aren’t laughing because it’s particularly funny… Or well… We are but it’s funny because we’re happy and it’s funny because we all remember. It’s funny because we made a memory together and because we’re doing the same thing right now. We laugh out of happiness of the now forgotten sorrow of being apart… We also slightly laugh at the fact that my password is actually something as stupid as ILoveSeunrgi123.

“I love you too Fae,” Seungri smiles and closes my laptop again. Silence flows into the room and it has a creamy texture. I squeeze Seunghyun’s shoulder.

“I actually need to buy some groceries, I can show you around the neighbourhood on the way,” I suggest and by the end of my sentence Youngbae and Daesung are already halfway down the stairs. I chuckle and we go down after them. We get dressed warmly and I sneak my arm around Seungri’s before we exit the house.

“There’s so much snow here,” Daesung smiles with sparkling eyes.

“That’s because it’s December in Scotland, Daesung,” Jiyong informs the little boy running around them.

“It’s actually pretty heavy, even for Scotland.” Seungri snuggles his head into my shoulder and I ruffle his hair. Youngbae’s cheeks are a cute shade of pink as we lock eyes. He smiles at me so brightly and I smile back, feeling a sense of pride as the year spent in Korea comes back to me. I remember his hostility and his pain. I remember the sting that I felt when his eyes met mine. I see nothing but happiness in his eyes at this moment and I’m reminded of the process. I neglect Seungri’s arm and run to hug Youngbae tightly.

“What did I do?” Youngbae laughs his laugh that seems so much wiser now and it rings so beautifully in my ears. He wraps his arms tightly around me and sways us back and forth, still chuckling kindly.

“I’m just proud of you.”

“Thank you, Fae. You’ve done me good,” Youngbae smiles at me and caresses my cheek. I squeeze his arm before going back to Seungri who’s pouting at the loss of contact. I peck his lips lightly and hook my arm back in his.

“Fae bae,” Seungri whispers. I hum. “I missed you.” He gulps. “A lot.”

“I missed you too, Seungri.” I kiss his cheek. “I can’t wait to show you everything here.”

“I can’t wait to see it.” I take them in the direction of my old school that is covered in snow. We go inside the open gate and I think back to the snowy days I spent here as a kid. Daesung is already on a swing and Seunghyun is pushing him with a smile on his face. We all gather by the swings and we talk about my school years and how I spent my time back then.

“I used to go inside with my friend Roy during breaks. We would go to the basement and hide in a secret corner where we’d talk about anything and we’d keep sweets in our pockets for each other,” I tell them with a nostalgic smile.

“You were a real troublemaker back then,” Jiyong jokes sarcastically. I stick my tongue out at him.

“Oh, shut up. We did worse things than that,” I defend, scrunching up my nose.

“Like what, might I ask?”

“We had sex in that shed over there one night when we decided that it was about time that we both got de-virgined.” Seunghyun nods with an impressed pout.

“You did mentioned to me that you lost your virginity in a shed at your school to a friend,” Seungri remembers and throws his arm back over my shoulder.

“Let’s get going.” We walk back out to the pavement and I lead them towards the supermarket when I hear my name shouted from behind me. All six of us turn around.

“Fae, it’s you, right?” I gasp in surprise as I recognise the face that I haven’t seen in a long time.

“Oh my god, Roy! That’s insane. I haven’t seen you since we went in there.” I point eagerly at the school. He chuckles kindly. “Hey, bring it in.” I open my arms and we give each other a rather messy hug due to the layers.

“What’s happened with you?”

“I went to Korea for a year and met these boys. I’m going back permanently as soon as it makes sense for me to leave this place.”

“That’s cool! I won’t hold you for much longer but how about we catch up one of these days. I live with my parents temporarily because of some issues with the tenant at my flat in Edinburgh so I have plenty of time.”

“Sounds good. I’ll stop by tomorrow if that’s fine,” I smile and we wave goodbye to each other. When I make eye contact with Seungri, I immediately spot the jealousy. This is something I sometimes forget because the only boys I’m in touch with are our groups of friends and my family. I know, though, I know that he can’t take it. He’s scarred by his previous relationship which is why I was scared to get into this one in the first place. I give him a reassuring smile to let him know that I’m aware of his feelings. I put my hand in his and we proceed to the supermarket.

Shopping takes ages because they have to question every other item on the shelves and we end up buying  _a lot_  of snacks. Seungri has gone quiet and I decide to pull him aside when we come back to my house. While the rest of the boys are downstairs in the kitchen unpacking with my dad, Seungri and I sit on my bed and our lips are locked in a slightly possessive kiss.

“Seungri, I know it isn’t easy for you but can you trust me on this?” I say when we’ve calmed down from the kiss. “I would never do what she did. I love you to bits.” I kiss his nose. He nods.

“I know… Just don’t stay for too long. I’ll go crazy.” I caress his cheek reassuringly.

“Sure thing.” I kiss him one last time before we rejoin the tea party downstairs.


	2. Happy That You Disappear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while to get this out because it got longer than intended and school is killing me lately. I'll do my best to write as often as I can manage.

When I leave the house, my brother, Jake, offers the boys to take them sledding. Daesung and Youngbae are all for it and Seungri is soon convinced. Seunghyun and Jiyong stay behind to take a walk for themselves.

Seunghyun goes outside to wait for Jiyong, overheating in the warm jacket. Jiyong waddles out of the front door looking like only the fewest will ever see him; in a big fluffy coat and a Slytherin hat that Jake let him borrow. Seunghyun stretches out his arm for Jiyong as he steps closer to him.

He adjusts his scarf as they walk in a random direction. Seunghyun hopes that they get lost (which is very likely) because nothing is more beautiful than alone time with Jiyong. He’s different when they’re alone. His voice gets dominated by a softness that never shows otherwise. Seunghyun finds it so special and his smile cannot contain itself when Jiyong asks him if he knows where they’re going.

“I don’t. I thought we could just get lost for a bit,” Seunghyun replies. “This place is beautiful.”

“It has to be. It produced Fae.” Seunghyun agrees with a smile. They walk down the snowy streets. They turn corners here and there until they’re definitely lost. None of them mentions it to the other.

“Seunghyun?” He hums calmly at Jiyong. “Nothing matters but you.” Seunghyun wonders why he’s even surprised at Jiyong’s blunt words. He’s used to the sudden shocking confessions coming straight out of nowhere like timing is a none existing term in Jiyong’s eyes.

“That’s a little rude to Fae and everyone else, isn’t it?” Seunghyun answers calmly with a fluttered heart.

“Of course; but you’re special enough for me to be allowed to say that,” Jiyong argues, looking up at Seunghyun with honesty in his eyes and words.

“How am I special?”

“I never felt the need to ask someone for a kiss before I take it.” Seunghyun widens his eyes and stares straight ahead in shock. Jiyong stops Seunghyun on the empty street. He plants a kiss on Seunghyun’s cheek, awaiting the reaction but Seunghyun has frozen. Jiyong moves in front of him, putting his gloved hands on Seunghyun’s face. “Move Seunghyun.” Seunghyun blinks twice, looking down at Jiyong. His eyes meet the soft lips who just asked his own for a kiss.

Seunghyun moves in close with his lips hovering above Jiyong’s. Jiyong takes the last step, surprising Seunghyun who needed a moment breathe. They kiss nevertheless, and it changes them both. They had both felt it before but now they feel nothing but that. What  _that_  is, they don’t really know but it is growing larger every second in the depths their scarred hearts. Jiyong’s arms stretch around Seunghyun’s neck and Seunghyun’s arms sneak around Jiyong’s waist. Their long kiss turns into small pecks before they let go of each other’s lips.

“Different,” Jiyong just says and Seunghyun understands. They kiss again before they’re faced with the problem of getting back home.

I put the tray with tea down on the table and fill up all the cups. Seungri is glad to have me back and he pulls me merrily down onto his lap. I kiss his forehead and my brother makes a gagging noise, which triggers my sister's loud laugh. I flick them off before taking a sip of the Christmas spiced tea.

“Haven’t Seunghyun and Jiyong come home yet?” Youngbae asks as he enters the room.

“When did they leave?” I ask.

“Same time as the rest of us,” Jake says and I stand up from Seungri’s lap.

“It’s been four hours. They must be lost.”

“They can’t be out in the snow for that long. Jiyong will go all diva on Seunghyun and we all know that’s not his favourite Jiyong mood,” Seungri adds and I walk to the front door to get into my boots and coat.

“It’s getting dark soon. We should go look for them.” Seungri joins me and the others rush behind him. They all get dressed and we split up into teams. Seungri goes with me, Daesung goes with Jake and Youngbae goes with Emily.

“We’ll stay in case they come back on their own. It’s getting dark so be careful,” my dad tells us as we walk out the door one at a time with our thick layers of clothes making noise as the fabric rubs up against itself.

“See you guys soon. Call if you find them,” I call out as we all go in separate directions. Jake holds his thumbs up over his head and Emily yells “aye aye miss!” I turn back to Seungri, who is waiting for me, his face snuggled into his scarf and his hands firmly buried in his pockets. His eyes reveal the smile that’s covered by the scarf. I hook my arm in his and we walk.

“It’s not the worst place to get lost,” Seungri thinks out loud. I know just what he’s feeling right now as he is kicking the glowing snow in front of him.

“It isn’t.” I take a right turn into a park, figuring they might have ended up there. I yell their names, earning a few glances from the few people within the sound of my voice. We search the whole park without luck. “I’m worried. It’s cold out,” I express to Seungri. He gives me a comforting look.

“They have each other. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Why the hell didn’t they bring their phones. Who doesn’t think of bringing their phone before taking a walk in a foreign country that they might potentially get lost in? They can’t just do that.” Seungri has grabs both of my arms before my speech is over and his eyes pierce mine with stern comfort.

“Last summer I would have been as worried as you are, Fae. Things have changed since you scooped us up. You taught us how to be alone. You taught us to get lost sometimes because it might show us things we wouldn’t have found if we stuck to the path. You taught us how to grow up. They might be lost but they are okay wherever they are. I’m sure about it.” I have slurped up all the comfort that Seungri left for me. We smile at each other and share an important kiss before we continue down the road as the darkness falls further upon us.

We search the area street for street and as the evening takes on further, an uneasiness falls upon us both. Even Seungri’s little speech before has worn off me and I grab his hand tightly in desperation as we end back where we started.

“We could try the cemetery?”

“At night? Do you really think they’d go there this late?” Seungri argues and the panic in his eyes tells me he is going to put up a fight before he steps foot in a graveyard when it is this dark.

“It’s not even that late, Seungri. It’s 7:30. You know the ghosties don’t come out before midnight,” I tease and he looks unhappy as I raise my eyebrows to compliment my cocky grin. Seungri stomps after me as I walk towards the graveyard. As we start to make out the entrance, I feel Seungri’s hand reach for mine. I squeeze it comfortingly. It looks scarier than I had anticipated but it doesn’t faze me much.

“You’re so fearless,” Seungri says in awe as I open the gate without a moment’s hesitation.

“I don’t believe in ghosts so I don’t have a reason to be scared.”

“You’re so rational,” Seungri argues and it makes me laugh.

“I can agree with that. I love you, Seungri. You’re so sweet that even if ghosts do exist they’ll probably leave us in peace.” I kiss his forehead. We turn our attention back to the search as we stand on the main path in between the trees and the gravestones, all covered in a thick layer of white snow that makes the whole place glow in such an odd way.

I call out their names at rings through the seemingly empty place. Seungri shivers at the sound. The trees join him as a breeze runs through the graveyard.

“I admit that was a little creepy." The loud silence seems so endless in this darkness. I call again and Seungri shivers another time. I give his hand another squeeze and we stand there for a while as if their yells would have a delay.

“I’d love to stay and search some more,” Seungri sarcastically begins. “But I don’t think they’re here.” I shake my head and turn to leave. My phone rings.

“It’s Jake.”

“See you guys soon. Call if you find them,” I call out as we all go in separate directions. Jake holds his thumbs up over his head and Emily yells “aye aye miss!” Youngbae chuckles at Emily and she grins cheerfully before her serious face rolls on.

“Let’s find those idiots. Remember what shoes they wore?” Youngbae shakes his head, shy about his English in front of Emily’s deep round eyes. “Dang. We could’ve tried following footprints but they’ll probably be all stepped over anyways,” she shrugs. Youngbae likes her bubbly and diffused character. “Let’s try and think like them. Where would they go?”

“Somewhere they can be alone,” Youngbae shyly mutters. Emily smiles at him.

“Let’s take a stroll down the street like they would if they wanted to be alone,” she suggests and her arm wraps around Youngbae’s. He stiffens until he catches her gleeful smile that is for him in this moment and he smiles back. “If we’re lucky they found the playground down the road there,” she points.

They walk down the darkening road with their eyes out for any sign of the two and their arms hooked together. Youngbae smiles to himself at the feeling of having someone this exciting, this close. He remembers the endless love coaching he has gotten from everyone in his group of friends and he remembers the movies he used to entertain himself with back in the caravan. The description fits. Can it be? Might it be? Maybe. He huffs out air and a half smile appears on his face. Emily gives him a questioning look.

“Nothing,” he mumbles sweetly and her eyes glisten with silent curiosity. She looks quite like Fae, he realises. They have the same liveliness to their eyes but Emily’s eyes are rounder than Fae’s. “Your eyes are like Fae’s.” Her teeth show as she grins at Youngbae’s shy words.

“How so?”

“They shine… Like… Like you…” He struggles to find words. “Like you really care,” he lands with relief. “Curiosity,” he adds with a blush. She smiles at him.

“You can speak Korean, Youngbae. It’s okay,” she points out and nudges his shoulder teasingly. His blush grows deeper and he lets his eyes shift away from hers. “Thank you,” she replies in Korean. “She has a kind of fire in her eyes that I don’t think anyone can compete with.”

“She’s very special but you have it too. It’s different but the same.” She chuckles so light-heartedly. It makes Youngbae’s heart float strangely inside of his warm chest. They turn a corner and the playground shows itself as empty. Emily sighs.

“That was my best guess,” she frowns. Youngbae chuckles.

“They’re alright wherever they are. Let’s keep looking,” Youngbae says with confidence. Emily nods and they decide to take another turn onto some smaller streets where they could easily have gotten lost. “It looks deserted.”

“It does. I just don’t know where else to- wait.” Emily stops in her tracks. “Maybe they’re at the racetracks.” Her steps double in speed from before and Youngbae struggles to keep his arm remaining around hers.

“The racetracks?” Youngbae asks as he matches up to her speed.

“Horseracing is big here. It should be pretty quiet when there aren’t any races. They might have come across it. It’s close to here,” Emily explains to Youngbae and he nods along.

The racing tracks are cleared of snow, with only a thin, recently fallen layer covering the tracks. Youngbae follows Emily to the centre of the tracks. With the help of the lights around the course, they scan the tribunes. It seems empty besides the two. Youngbae squints his eyes and looks again before he frowns at Emily.

“I really thought they would be here,” she says apologetically. Youngbae puts his head on Emily's shoulder for comfort and Emily rushes her arms all the way around him. He stops breathing shortly because of the sudden touch. Even with all these layers on, it is so very special. They stand like statues on the round patch of grass as the empty seats all around them watch in anxious silence. Youngbae’s heart would win a race against any horse here at this moment. He brushes his lips innocently across the bit of neck that is not covered up by her multicoloured scarf. He listens to her calm gasp as she tugs him even closer.

“The snow makes you glow,” he dares to say. Emily stretches out of his hold to grin at him. Her head bops as she chuckles. Youngbae stares in awe.

“You’re the most casually charming man I’ve ever met.” She places a kiss on his lips and stands back as she awaits the reaction. Youngbae gets to return the grin as he stares at her with joy. The kiss was more of a peck but even so, Youngbae could not dream of anything that magical. He takes a breath in as if to say something when she does it again and Youngbae grows quiet once more. His lips fall back into the grin and Emily starts to laugh shyly.

“I love you,” Youngbae says. Emily’s eyebrows jump a few inches up her forehead as she processes the information. She looks down and starts to smile. She looks back up to be met with eyes of someone who has realised they did something terribly stupid. “Oh no, was that too much? I- I shouldn’t have,” he stops there with the panic showing in his eyes. Emily’s smile turns reassuring. She tugs at his arm and pulls him closer.

“Be quiet, Youngbae.” She kisses him again. The kiss lasts for at least ten silent, innocent seconds. Youngbae’s lips quiver anxiously as Emily takes them for herself. She pulls away and kisses his nose softly. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It might seem like it’s a little soon to call it love but it feels a lot like love to me…” Youngbae’s eyes sparkle and his grin grows wider than before. “Let’s see where this goes?” She asks with her head cocked to the side. He nods. Emily’s phone disturbs the timid moment.

“Jake!”

“See you guys soon. Call if you find them,” I call out as we all go in separate directions. Jake holds his thumbs up over his head and Emily yells “aye aye miss!” Daesung’s eyes are everywhere as his curiosity takes the best of him. Jake’s lips fall back into a smile as he watches Daesung, just like when they went sledding a few hours earlier. Daesung looks back at him and jumps cheerfully. Jake hopes the cold weather is enough to hide the real reason behind his flushed cheeks. He takes a deep breath because Fae told him about Sunhee, and Daesung likes to talk about her too.

“I wonder what they did to get lost,” Jake says just to say something.

“I’m not surprised, to be honest, but they could have at least brought their phones.”

“Agreed,” Jake answers. The words sound awkward to his own ears because his whole body is taken over by this feeling.

This is one of those times, where it is rather obvious that Jake, Fae and Emily have been brought up under the same roof. Jake’s sigh says ‘I’m not usually gay but you made me feel a little bit like I am. I don’t like it but I’ll accept it because I would just make it harder for myself if I didn’t.’ The three siblings share the ability to accept and process their feelings no matter how complicated they might be. Even Fae’s complicated case with Seungri had a conscious reason even if it might have been pushed away in the midst of her already hectic life. The three do not always appreciate this skill. Jake hates it right now. He hates that he knows what he is feeling. If he did not know he would be able to let it go, but now it’s here, just below the surface, and Daesung is making it so hard for him.

“Jake?” Jake hums. “Is it always this beautiful in Scotland?”

“The snow helps,” Jake shrugs. Daesung nods understandingly before he goes on to find more things to wonder and ask about. “But yes,” he continues. “It’s very beautiful here. Every season has its qualities.”

“I can imagine. I want to come back in the spring. It could imagine that green suits this place.” Jake nods and he allows a smile to escape. Daesung takes it to him, breathes it in and returns it attentively. He has his own funny feeling. It fizzes around in his veins every time Jake has his eyes on him.

“So, Sunhee,” Jake ventures onto the deadly subject. “Fae suspects that you two are together.” Daesung drops the eye contact as he chuckles in an uneasy way.

“It’s wishful thinking on her part. There aren’t any romantic feelings between us, we just enjoy each other’s company. We’ve grown close,” Daesung clarifies. Jake holds back a smile as he shuffles his brown hair just by the hem of his woolly hat. Silence falls in between the two and settles for a bit. Daesung loosens his scarf and it reveals his scar. Jake flinches at the sight. He has been afraid to ask about it since he saw it the first time.

“Your… Scar. Where’d you get it?” They turn a corner to one of the livelier streets. Daesung’s smile fades.

“It’s, uh, a sad story.” Jake frowns. “And a long one.” Daesung props his hands in his pockets and gazes down at the ground.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.” Jake puts a hand on Daesung’s back. He claps it twice and Daesung huffs.

“It’s okay.” Daesung breathes out heavily. “I had this gang after me for a while.” Jake raises his eyebrows in shock. “I, uh, it was an accident. A car accident. One of their top guys died there and they blamed me for it. They gave me that.” Jake takes a hold of Daesung’s arm.

“Is that what that gang thing with Fae was about?” Guilt washes over Daesung’s face. His eyes grow dark and glossy. Jake wants to say something but there aren’t any words for him to say.

“I’m sorry that I got her into that.” Jake sits them down on a bench.

“Don’t be sorry. Fae made the right decision, doing that.” Daesung leans his head on Jake in a search for comfort and he surely finds it as Jake’s arms wrap around him.

“It hurts sometimes. It’s hard for me to get close to people because I’m afraid they’ll get hurt. Fae made it go away for some time. She eased the pain but it’s still hard.” Daesung looks up into Jake’s eyes and they resemble Fae’s very much. Jake’s look heals Daesung like only the Hunter family’s eyes can.

“No matter what you’ll always have the Hunters. We aren’t scared of anything.” Jake winks at Daesung, who chuckles as he turns his head to the side. His eyes grow wide as he spots his missing friends through the pub window across the road.

“Jake, look!” Jiyong and Seunghyun are sitting at a table next to three unfamiliar guys. The two get up and run across the road hand in hand. Jake gets out his phone to call Emily and Fae.

“Girls. We found them.”


	3. Happy That There's Beer

I stomp into the pub with Seungri right behind me. Everyone looks up and Seunghyun’s eyes meet my furious ones. His eyes rush back down to his lap in panic. There is a deadly silence in the room as Jiyong dares to look up at me. Jake gives me a look of compassion yet it also tells me not to do it. He raises his eyebrows in one last attempt before he gives me a little nod. I step forward.

“Did you two seriously sit here all this time. We were worried so sick that I even pulled Seungri into a graveyard. We’ve been freezing more than you have. You could at least have brought your phones. You could’ve even called from here!”

“Sorry, Fae. We didn’t mean to stress you out,” Seunghyun apologises. Jiyong stares at the wall behind me with a blank expression.

“It’s okay. I just-” I stop talking and I tear up. “Don’t do that again. My heart can’t take it.” I let myself drop to the floor where I sit like a helpless little baby in front of the people I care about the most and I cry. Seungri kneels next to me as I let out a tiny sob.

“Fae, calm down.” He rubs circles on my back in a sweet attempt to soothe me from my breakdown. He leans in close to my ear so only I can hear his soothing voice. “Don’t lose it now that you’ve saved us all.” I get the broken vibes that his words unravel for me in this shallow moment of mine. I wipe my face and the room falls quiet because of me once again. The only source of sound is the radio behind the bar that is playing at a low volume. The sound of Bill pouring a liquid into a glass breaks the illusion of nothingness.

“On the house, Fae.” I look up at Bill and he serves me the beverage with a smile. I stare at what seems to be a sizzling beer as it stands impatiently on the bar. I stand up slowly and I grab the glass. Bill claps my shoulder and I drink. I recognise the sweet bitterness in an instant. I set an empty glass down not many seconds later and I wipe the lingering ginger beer off of my upper lip. The taste of alcohol and ginger calms me and meet Bill’s eyes with gratitude in my own. Seungri and Emily chuckle behind me.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Jiyong says in shock.

“You continue to surprise every time you drink with us.” Seunghyun allows himself a smile to follow his statement and I turn around with a sniff. I shrug and we say goodbye to Bill and the boys that Seunghyun and Jiyong had apparently met just outside of the pub as they walked past and that is how they were pulled inside. Seunghyun and Jiyong apologise to me all the way home. I kiss them both on the cheek and we leave it peacefully at that.

At home, mum and dad are ready with freshly made tea steaming on the dining table and a late dinner in the making. No words are exchanged about the change of atmosphere around the two recently found boys and really every one of the search teams too. There’s a tension that I would describe best as optimistically thick. Seungri and I share confused glances at each other throughout dinner.

I make myself comfortable under my blankets as Seungri changes into his pyjamas. He catches my staring eyes and smiles smugly my way. I point my tongue at him and he comes to bed in a pair of pyjama pants and no shirt. He kisses my forehead sweetly.

“Fae don’t lose your sanity because of us.” He pulls me closer with a sad sigh.

“I worry too much, I know, but it’s hard not to when I’ve seen you as low as I have. I need to get used to the development. I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know… Fall-backs maybe?”

“We’re surprisingly healthy now thanks to you, okay? So don’t worry and don’t be scared.” I nod a few times and it earns me a smile from Seungri.

Then my face grows curious.

“What the fuck was with the atmosphere at dinner today?”

“Something happened before they were pulled into the pub. I think they kissed.” I bite my smiling lip.

“You think so too?”

The conversation continues onto Youngbae’s dazed look and Jake’s odd cheerfulness until we fall asleep underneath the warm covers with our traces left all over town as footprints in the cold snow.


	4. Happy That We're Clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's been a while. School has occupied most of my time. I will most likely do one more chapter and then the story is done, but I'm not sure yet. I'll make it clear when the last chapter is.

Seungri wakes me up the next morning to pull me out on a walk, saying that “I need the fresh air”. I know that this means serious talk. I obey in my sleepy state and I direct him to a café around a few corners where we order coffee and breakfast.

“Is this about yesterday?” Seungri nods. “Okay… Hit me.”

“I’m worried about you Fae.” Seungri grabs my hand and holds it so tightly that I feel the sincerity of his touch. “You’ve carried our weight for so long and I know it’s hard for you to keep holding us up, but that’s why you need to let go. We’ve all settled in so well because of you. Don’t ruin yourself over it.” His thumb starts drawing random patterns in my palm. I stare down at it as I gather strength to speak.

“That’s not the problem, Seungri.” I gulp and I thank god that we’re alone and not speaking English as a tear slips out of my eye. The young man behind the counter glances over at me and I look away.

“What is the problem then?” Seungri’s voice is filled with sympathy. I pull on his arm and he seems to understand. He moves out of his chair and onto the sofa next to me. His arm wraps around me and I lean into his neck.

“Carrying your weight, that’s fine. It’s what happens if I let go, that I’m afraid of.” Seungri looks down into my glossy eyes and he pulls me closer with a sigh and no words spoken. The words are not needed when his eyes speak in comfort.

“You need to, Fae. You need to learn how to let go.” I nod. “Eat your breakfast.” He kisses the top of my head and sits me up. He stays beside me with a hand in mine as we eat. We don’t exchange many words after this until we stand in front of my house and I do not dare to enter the house of the boys I can’t let go of.

“Will you help me?”

“In every way I can.”

Inside we were met with colourful sweaters, warmth and an excited atmosphere that Daesung soon brought to words.

“Fae, don’t take off your coat we’re going out to get a tree!” And we did. In five minutes, all ten of us venture through the snowy streets to get to the town square, where Christmas trees are always sold. Our large group splits up in the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree. The selection is not that big so we soon hear an exclaim of excitement from Emily and everyone gathers around the tree that we have to have.

Emily, Jake and I find it to be quite a light task carrying the tree home compared to previous years. A mix of politeness and excitement got all of the five boys to crowd around the tree before anyone else could get to it. My parents help, making no room for us anywhere.

“They’ve been here for less than three days and I’m already… So emotionally exhausted.” My siblings chuckle at me and I get a squeeze on my arm from Jake.

“You know, I really like having them here.” Jake sent me a smile that only a sibling would notice was holding secrets.

“What are you hiding?” Emily takes a good look at the now stunned Jake. “You might as well just tell us.” Jake stays quiet and Emily moves to Jake’s free side so he has a nagging sister on each side of him.

“When we get back home in my room, okay?” Emily and I share a quick look and a nod before agreeing to the deal.

“You did seem a little weird at dinner yesterday. Everyone did though, except for Seungri and mum and dad. Did something happen to all of you that we weren’t a part of?” Jake shakes his nervous head and Emily bites her bottom lip suspiciously. “Hmm… I’ll have to get to the bottom of this.” I hear Seunghyun call my name. “We’ll talk in Jake’s room.” I hurry up to Seunghyun’s side, who is at the bottom of the tree.

“I need to talk to you alone,” he whispers. “When we get home.” I hesitate because the Jake and Emily deal is intriguing me but Seunghyun’s look is slightly desperate so I give him a nod and a pat on the back. Seungri looks back at me from the front of the tree and gestures for me to come up to him. I kiss Seunghyun’s cheek before I jog up to Seungri, who is in a very silly mood. He kisses my cheek and then my nose and does a little skip before he wraps his arm around mine.

“Seungri… Something is definitely going on. Jake and Emily are acting weird and Seunghyun wants to talk to me. As in, he wants to talk to me.” I give him the look that Seunghyun gave me and Seungri’s bottom lip slips into a wondering pout.

“What the hell…”

“I’m gonna talk to Seunghyun when I get home and then I’ll get a hold of Emily and Jake too. The atmosphere is so secretive it’s making me go insane.” Seungri agrees with an intense nod.

“What are you two whispering about?” My mum asks from behind us. Everyone turns their attention to us.

“Nothing…”

“Ah, secret couple things.” Youngbae laughs at my dad’s comment and I sink into Seungri’s shoulder awkwardly.

“Christmas present ideas, thank you very much.” I switch to English out of comfort. My accent has thickened considerably since I returned to Scotland so that my mum can barely understand me. Seungri smiles smugly at me and winks subtly.

I purposely take my layers off slowly until I’m alone with Seungri. I take his hand and we go upstairs. Daesung and Youngbae are hanging out in my room and Seungri joins them there. I walk to the guestroom, where the four boys are packed inside with two mattresses on the floor and a queen-sized bed that Jiyong and Seunghyun claimed pretty quickly.

Seunghyun ushers me inside and he closes the door behind me. I look over at Jiyong on the bed and his eyes glued to his phone screen. I can tell by the slightly nervous eyes that he is pretending not to care about whatever I am about to be told when he is obviously involved.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is more than okay.” Seunghyun cracks a smile. “Actually… Jiyong and I… We got lost yesterday, uhm, because we stopped paying attention, because- I didn’t think this would be so hard to say.”

“Take your time.”

“Thank you.”

“For god’s sake, we kissed and we have no idea what to do now.”

“W- wh- whhah,” I managed to mutter. “O-okay.” What brings me back from a numb silence is Jiyong’s sharp stare. “Uhm, what exactly are you unsure about… Is it you two or the rest of us?”

“A little bit of both I think.” Seunghyun sits down on the bed and I begin a stroll around the room.

“Well, to me, it seems that the problem is scars… It hasn’t been long since you stopped drinking, Jiyong; and Seunghyun you might look okay but I see the spark of worry in your eyes from time to time. Now, with that in mind, the only thing you need to ask yourselves is if the hardship will be worth the relationship. If you give up halfway, was it really worth it then?” Seunghyun and Jiyong lock eyes shortly. “And about us… I think we’ll be nothing but excited about it. I bet Daesung is gonna fly to the moon when he finds out.” Seunghyun gets up and embraces me in a thankful hug. I feel the importance of my words and I hope I’ve said the right things. Jiyong slides off the bed as Seunghyun eases out of the hug.

“Thank you, Fae.” His hug holds every worry that he held in during the short conversation.

“It’s no problem. I hope it works out… It would be bloody adorable.” I let a smile occupy my face and it lightens the mood in the room immensely. “Ya cuties. I have to go now.” I wink at them before I leave them alone to talk. I knock on Jake’s door. Seconds later Emily swings the door open and pulls me inside.

“Oh my god, he’s in love with Daesung!” I look at Jake’s pained face in shock.

“Not in love, just… Just interested.” His eyes meet mine in hope of comfort. The pain and confusion stings me and I instantly feel bad for my little brother sitting on his bed with his hands helplessly lying in his lap. Then I see the tear and I’m on my knees in front of him with my arms around him in less than a second. He leant his face down to my head. I felt his body jolt with each sob.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to cry. We’re here for you.” Emily rushes to Jake’s side and we comfort our little brother as his world turns upside down. “Did it just happen?” Jake nods and I pull his face up. I kiss his cheek and I wipe away his tears.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore.” He sniffs and Emily reaches for a pack of tissues and she hands him one.

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Emily asks as she rubs his back.

“Don’t tell anyone. Not even your boyfriends.” I nod until I hear the plural replay in my mind. I look up at Emily, who has realised the same thing.

“Boyfriends in plural?” Jake wipes his tears away and takes a deep breath.

“Emily kissed Youngbae.” My eyebrows are halfway up my forehead and I grab Jake’s hand in shock. I stutter out some syllables and my brain stops working. I realise that I’ve solved the mystery but the information is just too much at once.

“When we were out looking for Jiyong and Seunghyun?” Emily nods. I close my eyes and I sit there for a moment as I realise that I should have expected this to happen. “Okay, uhm, so… Emily you go girlie. Youngbae has had a crush on you since that goddamn skype call. Jake, I’ll talk to Daesung. I won’t tell him anything. You have my word. I’m a little overwhelmed with information now though so if you two are good I might go take a nap.” They both nod understandingly. Seungri, Daesung and Youngbae are in my room. Seungri sees the exhaustion on my face.

“You look like you need a nap.” I nod. “Lie down.”

“Are you okay, Fae?” Daesung asks and I nod again.

“It’s just a lot of information at once, that’s all,” I mutter as I reach the bed. They nod without really understanding what I said but rather understanding the mood that I am in.

“Take a nap and then we can decorate the tree afterwards!” Daesung exclaims with excitement and Youngbae grins. I nod with a tired smile before the duo gets up and they head for the door.

“Daesung… Jake could use a pat on the back right now. You should go talk to him.” I smile at them both and they close the door quietly behind them. “Emily and Youngbae, they kissed. I know everything but I promised to hold tight about the rest. You’ll know soon.” Seungri would have argued but my closed eyes stop him.

I rub my eyes on my way down the stairs. I smell the Yorkshire tea and the freshly baked ginger biscuits from the living room. I enter to find the Christmas decorations ready in their boxes and Daesung jumping around them.

“Your parents said we could decorate the Christmas tree when everyone came down so now we just need to get them from the kitchen and Jiyong and Seunghyun from our room.” I chuckle at his bouncy excitement. Youngbae and he leap out of the room to get the remaining people in the house. I sit down next to Jake and throw my arm over his shoulder. Seungri pours me tea and plops down beside me.

“Did you know that Dave is gonna serve mulled wine at the town market this year.” I look up at Emily.

“Really? That’s great. His pub is the best in town so he deserves to get the spot.” Emily and Jake agree.

“There’s a town market?” Seungri asks curiously.

“Every Christmas there’s a town market where we got our tree. More or less everyone comes and they drink warm drinks, eat Christmassy things, catch up, buy stuff from shop representatives and there’s usually live music too. It’s very cosy,” I explain to him.

“We also dance around the big tree in the centre,” Jake adds. Emily and I nod with joyful laughter.

“That sounds fun.” Seungri’s eyes light up with Christmas cheer and they meet mine. I kiss his cheek and then feet ruffle down the stairs and my parents peek their heads in.

“Time to decorate the tree?”

“I think it is,” I smile at my parents. We open the boxes and a mess of decorations become visible. Anything from homemade paper hearts to fragile glass pieces. Jake gets up from his place on the sofa and is the first to grab a tiny star out of one of the boxes. He hands it to Daesung, who is gleaming. The two go to the tree and I catch myself smiling at them. Emily’s own smile catches my eye and we share a knowing moment of eye contact.

I dig into the box and the warmth of family and friends spreads through my body. A simple moment in a complicated life makes all the difference. I look at Jiyong putting a hat from the box on Seunghyun’s head. I look at Emily and Jake laughing with Youngbae and Daesung over something as small as setting up fairy lights. I look at my happy parents as they find their favourite decorations and then I look at Seungri and his smile. I look at the happiness and I know everyone here will be okay. I learn to let go.


	5. A quick author's note.

Hey everyone.

I've been extremely inactive regarding this story due to the sudden death of Kim Jonghyun. It took me a bit to get back into writing and instead of writing much new stuff I started posting some pre-written stuff. Now I'm here to say that I will try to finish this story even though the Christmas theme is a little bit late. I hope the few readers this story had still care :)

Sorry for the long wait.

\- Freja Marple


	6. Happy That You're Near

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very last chapter of the Loser story.

A yell sends every person in the house flying up from whatever they are doing. I look out from my room and into the hall where Seungri is standing, wide-eyed at whatever he is seeing inside of Jake’s room across the hall. My curiosity gets me, as it does for everyone else. The whole house comes storming to see what had caused the loud noise. I hear steps running up the stairs on one side and doors opening on the other as I look at Daesung and my brother looking flustered on the edge of his bed. The penny drops quicker for me than it does for Seungri and I act quickly with my brother’s emotions in mind. I pull Seungri with me into Jake’s bedroom before I shut and lock the door. We stand still as the knocking begins. They start to protest and I knock back.

“Quiet!” The sounds fade and I glance back at Jake reassuringly. “There’s nothing to worry about. Seungri was just shocked. Please go and we’ll come out later, thank you.” Feet scatter as sighs and mutters become audible. I turn around. Seungri’s mouth is still wide open in shock. Daesung is looking down at the ground and Jake’s eyes hold gratitude and worry.

“I’m scared.” I rush Jake into a hug and the room goes silent while Seungri wakes up from his state of shock. He sheepishly shuffles over to Daesung who is standing very helplessly alone.

“Are you scared too?” Seungri asks with caution. Daesung nods and accepts the hug that Seungri pulls him into. The atmosphere calms down in the safe space that the locked door has created.

We end up in a circle as the three explain to me what Seungri saw. I had my ideas, that are confirmed here. Daesung and Jake kissed and none of them has any idea what to do with it because Jake has second to no experience in this field and he did not expect the intensity of which he feels these things now. Daesung’s mind goes back to the unresolved ends of his last relationship and the darkness of that time in his life. His extreme anxiety returns, I can tell by the look in his eyes. If Jake got hurt because of him Daesung would consider himself to be complete trash. That risk is what makes him hesitate.

Seungri looks to me as he figures out what I have from the panic in Daesung’s fragile features. He raises both his eyebrows and I squint my eyes at him in annoyance.

 _You tell me I’m supposed to let go and now you’re begging me to solve this… You’ve obviously not grown as much as I thought,_ I bash him in my mind and I hope my look said enough for him to understand. I look back to Jack and Daesung who sit with an awkwardly large gap between them.

“I could go on and tell you both a bunch of encouraging words about this and that and it might lighten the mood but I’m not sure it would change much right now.” Seungri sighs like a bitter commentary and I send him a fiery gaze that pierces right through him. He sits back with an apologetic look. “As I was saying, it won’t help.” I stare at the two. “Daesung, could you take Jake’s hand?” He looks into Jake’s eyes hesitantly before he takes his hand. They both look back at me.

“How does that feel?”

“N-nice.” His blush grows deeper and so does Jake’s. “In a special way.”

“Is that feeling worth the risk? Is it worth the possible pain?” Daesung sighs before nodding slowly. I look over at Jake. He looks over at nervous Daesung before he too nods. I smile at the two. “Then there isn’t much to discuss. You’re willing to risk some serious emotions for each other. That should be more than enough reason to give it a go.” I get up. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, so talk about this and figure it all out. Good luck.” I start walking towards the locked door. “I need a word with you Seungri.” I gesture coldly and he follows me out of the room and we hear the door lock behind us. I bring him into my room.

“I think I know what this is about,” he replies to the barely managed temper showing in my eyes. “And I’m sorry.”

“Seungri, I know you mean well.” I sigh. “But when you ask me to let go and still expect me to solve everything like I’m some guru is too much to ask, don’t you think?” He nods. “I love to help you guys and seeing the smiles on your faces as a result is always the best thing. That doesn’t mean that you can expect me to fix everything and maybe you should learn from it and try and help each other instead. I had just begun to let go. I’m tired. I’m so tired, Seungri.” All of my tense feelings pour out and Seungri stares at his feet.

“You’re just that much better at it…” Seungri stares at the floor.

“Because I try, Seungri. Maybe you should give that a go. It’s not like I won’t help you guys. I will and I do but you can’t just give me a look and expect me to solve it and then sigh rudely when you think I’m doing it wrong. If I’m so bad at it why don’t you try?” I breathe heavily and angrily. He turns around and leaves the room. I kick the door as it closes behind him.

About ten minutes later I pull myself out of my sulky state and I find that Seungri has left the house. I don’t have to look for long before I find him sulking on a bench in his warm jacket and his scarf covering the bottom half of his face for warmth.

“Hi.” I sit down.

“Hi.”

“I just want you to understand the position you put me in…” I trail off gloomily. He shuffles closer to me on the bench.

“I should have considered the pressure I was putting on you more. I only saw the pressure you put on yourself.” His eyes meet mine in a fragile moment. “Fae, I am sorry.” I put my head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Seungri.” He kisses the top of my head and finds my gloved hand with his own. “I missed you. I’m glad you came here.” Seungri hums sweetly.

When we come back home we are met with a million questions that we don’t answer because they are for Daesung and Jake to answer.

About half an hour later Daesung and Jake come down. I wonder what they will tell everyone.

About five minutes later there are hugs and supportive comments.

About two hours later there is huddling over the dining table and board games. The laughs are audible throughout the whole house.

About two and a half hours later there is a rustling of coats and scarfs by the door. We head off to the Christmas market. Seungri is exceptionally expressive with his love with his endless kisses and the tight grip on my gloved hand. I lean my head on his shoulder as we walk.

“You’re too much, Seungri. Go back to being that stupidly cheesy idiot I knew in Korea.”

“Oh baby, he never left.”

“Oh no, I wish I hadn’t mentioned it,” I chuckle with regret. He shoves me gently and I shove him back.

Youngbae links his arm with Emily’s. The two don’t speak much, something Emily would never have been able to do without Youngbae. Instead, they share looks and smiles that speak louder than any words. Youngbae knows how to love now.

“Do you see how in love all of them are?” Jiyong says to Seunghyun as they walk at the very back of the group. Seunghyun nods at all of the pairs.

“It’s been a turbulent time for us all.” He looks at Jiyong so calmly and peacefully and it makes Jiyong smile and forget the people in front of them.

“It has but it paid out in the end.” He pecks Seunghyun’s jaw sweetly. Their height difference is just perfect for them both and Jiyong wants to write a million songs for Seunghyun and make a whole album with his face on the cover. There is not much left that is stopping him from showing Seunghyun how much he loves him. He is almost not afraid anymore.

“I’m glad we were saved.” Seunghyun looks over at Fae, who is struggling to keep the clingy Seungri away from her face. She is laughing and they both smile at the chaotic sight.

“We should do a song about her.”

“We?”

“You’ve got talent,” Jiyong raises his eyebrows at the stunned Seunghyun. “And I’m not just saying that because I have a thing for you.” Seunghyun chuckles without knowing how serious Jiyong really is.

Daesung keeps smiling at Jake and Jake keeps blushing at him, very conscious about his whole family there to see it. Daesung switches into his hyper self, running around in between everyone with a laugh so child-like. Youngbae soon lets go of both Emily’s arm and his quiet smile. It is replaced with a loud grin as he runs after Daesung and they enter their own little world that only the two of them quite understand. Jake and Emily watch in fascination.

I manage to get out of Seungri’s grip as I hear the two boys say my name. I run after them and they squeal. Seungri sprints right after me and out of the corner of my eye, I see Seunghyun and Jiyong smirking at each other as they get in running position. They run after Seungri and soon we’re all chasing each other. By the end of the chase, we are all in a pile and we have reached the square that is lit up with lights and chatting. Emily, Jake and my parents soon catch up to us and they laugh at whatever just happened. We gather ourselves and admire the lights for a few seconds before we walk towards the chatter and warmth.

“We raised our kids well,” I hear my mum say to my dad as we rush into the market. I turn around to see my dad nodding. I smile at them to let them know that I agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. I hope it was to everyone's liking. Maybe I will do some random spin-off one shots here and there but the main story is all done now.


End file.
